[Introduction]

4/10/04 11:32 pm- I really need to stop being such an idiot, I'm going to regret it soon. After work today I was going down highway 70 getting onto the interstate going south. At the end of the on-ramp the truck behind me switched to the right lane and passes me. You don't do that type of thing to me, I was accelerating decently to highway speed. So I drop to 4th and floor it, that's not enough so I drop to 3rd. I catch that fool and pass him, and in the northbound lane is a cop that has just pulled someone over, I'm doing 90. After the pass I get into the right lane and slow to about 75. The truck passes me again and throws on the winners (the emergency flasher lights indicating victory). You don't do that type of thing to me, I pass again, but this time he's getting close to the car in front of them in my lane, but I haul balls and do some fast n furious shit and just cut in between the truck in the left lane and the guy in the right lane and then I throw on my winners and get into the right lane. I look at the taillights ahead of me, and I'm thinking "those look like cop taillights." The Lohman exit is right there, and all the lights from the ramp reveal a set of lights mounted on top of the car in front of me, it's a sheriff's car. The sheriff gets off at Lohman, where I had intended to exit, so I keep on going because Univerity is good enough, I just hate waiting for the light. The truck repasses me and I roll down the windows and throw a peace sign, once ahead of me they throw on the winners again and I didn't even care. I fear it's only a matter of time before a run-in with the police with the way I've been driving so far. I need to get a radar detector soon, I will definetely need one with my next engine, it's going to haul balls.

4/6/04 7:36 pm- It's just one of those days when I really get the feeling that life is good. The biggest thing that reminds me of that today is that when I get in my car I hear music, I have not done that for a while because my stereo wasn't working. Only a few days ago I put the center console back in my car, and today I was trying to get the radio to work. My dad got home and asked if the radio had a fuse, so I check and hot dang the fuse was blown, all my worrying for nothing. My engine project is coming along pretty well, I probably won't finish before the end of my engine rebuilding class, but neither will anyone else and I only hope to have it done before 2005, and that's a few months off. I have decided to stop half assing the cylinder bores and just take it to the machine shop and have them tell me if it's good or not since I can't hold the damn measuing tool straight if my life depended on it. I also need to get the crank done up over there and then they can tell me what size bearings to hook it up with. Once I have that shit taken care of I can order my piston/rod package and my bearings then all I will have left to get will be my seals, oil pump, water pump, timing belt tensioner, timing belt, head gasket and various other shit for my VTEC head to work, but it's all pretty simple if you know what you're doing, and I think I know what I'm doing.
On the negative side, and there always must be a negative side or else life being good wouldn't be as good, I now hate it when people ask me what's wrong with their car. I really don't give a fuck what's wrong with your car, don't ask me. I only know my car, and half the time I don't know what the hell is wrong with my own damn car. I'm having a tougher time faking like I'm interested in other's problems with their car, and I'm also getting sick of working on my car. I guess I'm just over exposed with all the car shit, it's all I do with my time. Once I get done with the engine project I think I'll take it easy for a bit, then the suspension is next then hopefully I can just do regular maintinence like oil changes and shit and not have to worry about my car exploding like I do now. oh well, life is still good

3/28/04 5:59 pm- When common sense runs out it's up to mistakes to teach us what not to do. I previously thought that my car's top speed was 116mph, but it isn't. Today I was coming home from visiting my friends up in highrolls at the paintball scenario there. I had been going 80-85 most of the way so far (speed limit 75), but I decided to get on it because I was getting pretty close to hitting VTEC in 5th, so I floored that shit. I topped out the speedometer which goes to 125 and I kept going. It seemed like the engine wouldn't go past 7400 rpm so I coasted down to 80-85 again. I passed a camper like it was standing still, I was probably going twice as fast as they were, it was some fun shit. That's not the stupid part though, that was all good, I didn't hit anything, everyone is ok. I decided to take the Baylor Canyon Road which goes between highway 70 and the far east part of University. That was dumb. The pavement ends on that road real quick, so my car got all dirted up. Now you're thinking, awe shit, your car got all dirted up, how dumb of you. But wait, there's more. I turned a little bit and the car kinda slid a little bit, a bit of a drift. So I think, wow, that's cool, I'll do it bigger. That was a BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. I was going about 50-60, I don't even really remember, that's a guess. The drift didn't turn out well. The tires didn't catch as soon as I hoped they would, so I slid pretty far, then over corrected really bad, sending me all the way back to the right side of the road, and by the time the tires caught there I already had the wheels pointed too far to the left and this time I didn't go back, I ran into the burm right where there was a big mesquite bush. I had my window down and all kinds of dirt got into my car. I thought "fuck, now the whole left side of my car is all fucked up and dented", but it wasn't. the back left tire was pretty fucked up, I guess there was a rock where it hit so it got all scratched and I got all kinds of little rocks in between the tire and the rim, I pulled a few of the bigger ones out, but for the most part there are still alot in there. My recently welded up muffler hanger broke off again, so it's being held up by a wire hanger again. The bush scratched my car up pretty good and I got all kinds of dirt where my brakes are so they screeched for a while. the front tire hit the burm so hard that I had to back up to get out, with my muffler dragging. I guess that I was going 30-40 when I hit, and everything that was sitting on the hatch cover flew forward into the space between the front and back seats. A pair of gloves I had in the back ended up in my lap. I was really scared that I did more damage, but I didn't. The lesson of the story is that you shouldn't do stupid shit in your car. maxing out the speedometer was pretty dumb, but I didn't get hurt doing it. It just led me to do this because I was feeling reckless. I should have thought about what I was doing and slowed down first, but I didn't. Be careful out there.

3/16/04 7:44 pm- I think I have some strange sort of power within me. 2 years ago a friend wanted a relationship with me, I said ok, but the relationship didn't happen because I thought it was weird since she was a friend. Now she's into girls. Last year I told a girl that I had liked her for the past 4 years and that I wanted to go out with her. She declines and within a week she has a boyfriend and is in a very serious relationship with him. This year I let a girl know I like her and want to get to know her, before I know her very well she just wants to be friends because she still likes another guy, and now she is interested in a different guy. I think that I'm so serious about relationships that girls that thinking and they're like "holy fuck, that's some fucked up shit" and they take sudden and severe action to do anything they can to not end up with a guy like me. I'm a reasonably looking guy. I think I'm alright in the cool department. I'm not an asshole most of the time. I'm reasonably intelligent. Wtf is wrong with me? Maybe my standards are too high. oh well, I refuse to lower the reserve price.

3/9/04- What is living? Is living feeling emotion? What if that emotion is wanting to die; so then wanting to die is living. What about when you're dead? Is that living or are you done living then, and you're dead. What if there isn't anything after you die? What if you just decompose? That's what really happens, but people are afraid of death, or they are happy about it, or they see it as another journey. But it's just death, you're just dead, there's nothing else. No lake of fire, now happy white gates. There's just nothing, and you don't know it's nothing because you're dead and you're nothing. All people are equal in death because all things are nothing in death. Your mentality, your personality, your ideas all die with you. They die with you unless you share them with someone else before you die. That is what it means to have lived--it means that you have mattered to someone. Living is mattering. Matter makes up life. If you think nothing matters then you don't matter, you're just in the way of other people's mattering. I found out that I don't matter to one more person and I wanted to die, and in dying I would have continued to not matter. We must think of the future, not so far into the future that we think of the time when we are nothing, but far enough that we don't see tomarrow and it surprises us. Everyone should take some time if they haven't already and just think of where they are going to be physically, educationally, financially, mentally, socially, and career-wise in the future. This future scan should go 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, and 50 years or more. In one year I will be a poor ass loser college student probably hating life unless something picks up before then and I find something new to do. Five years is a tough one for me, I can't really say. I would like to be employed by Honda or some other automobile manufacturer. In ten years I want to be in the same job I was five years previous but making at least $80,000 a year, if not $100,000 or more. I'll be close the end of the rope as far as youth goes. Hopefully I would have found a girl that actually likes me by then and will have started a family. In 25 years I hope to be bitching about how close I am to retiring because I'm a 42 year old man with nothing better to do in my high paying over appreciated job that I'm so damn good at. I want to have seen my kids fuck up in some way and learn from it, and be ready for life, for the struggle I have already gone through. In 50 years I will be 67. Hopefully I will be retired. I will most likely be close to death judging by the amount of physical activity I participate in at my current age. I want to be the cool old man on the street that does burnouts and shit in my 65 year old civic that is on its 53rd motor, not the bitchy old man that complains about the weeds and the dogs and the cars. I want to dress like a pimp everyday when I'm 67, and tell all the 20-something year old girls to watch out because I'll be 69 soon. At the rate I'm going I will have to change something in order to be a cool old man since I already hate kids and dogs. Perhaps this change will occur during my mid-life crises which I didn't expect in 25 years from now. And now for the present. The only girl I was interested in in the last year it seems like doesn't like me. I wanted a girlfried, but now I don't know if I can handle it, I freak out too easy and I'm too weird. I'll just keep worrying about me for a while, I'll see what real college has to offer, the branch dissapoints.

04.12.02- No one has taken notice of my euro date style, I don't really care. It's 11:45 P.M. (Wednesday night) and I'm getting my English homework done for Act III of Hamlet, and I'm working extra hard since last time I neglected to do the crap for Act II. It might be that I'm up late or that I'm trying really hard for this assignment, but when I looked up at the calender and saw that my mom had written down that she was going to get a rat for James's mouse the day before she was going to tell me to go down to the Humane Society to get some community service in I laughed at the irony here: get a live rat so that James's snake can eat it, then I go to the Humane Society. I don't even understand what I'm saying anymore so I'll get back to Shakespeare, maybe he makes some sense.
P.S. the site remodeling is not coming for at least one more week. I hope to get up at least one section of the "Guide to Pimpdom" up by the end of the weekend.

26.11.02- this section has become so much of an extended news section that when I had an original thought earlier today I thought I would have to make a new section for it, then I remembered that's why I made this section. I was eating, then when I was done eating and I went to go feed my cats. I thought that my cats smelled like their cat food, bringing about the "you are what you eat" concept. So I was thinking: if you are what you eat, then are canibals not the most human humans around?

16.11.02- The revision of the site hasn't been started yet, as soon as I decide on and draw an icon for the old sections section I will move a bunch of sections into it. Today was not a very good day. I woke up at about 10, after going to bed rather early last night after the game at 12. I was tired as hell all day and didn't do anything. I drove James to places, that was no fun. My mom decided that tomarrow at 10a.m. we will be having a brunch for her dad's birthday so she is rather tense about getting the house clean and making everything nice. James and I were lazy today and didn't want to help clean the house so she got mad at us and I got mad and things got worse but they are ok now. If you were looking for entertainment I'm sorry for not delivering. I'll go make a cartoon now to make up for the unentertainingness of this thought.

13.11.02- The thoughts section has become a chronicles section where I tell stories, sometimes adding in a bit of what I think, so in my renovation I hope to establish a "tales" section which will be individual from the thoughts section. I might also rename this thougts section the ravings section, maybe not. In news today: in the past I have been involved in a high speed paintball shoot out, some other crap, and pretty recently we (and by saying we I'm trying to make John feel better since it was all his fault) got M. Harvey's truck stuck out by Lucas's paintball field (I hope to get a map up during the renovation) and some old man got really angry and called the sheriff. About the high speed shoot out: After a paintball match at Simon's a while ago and I was going out on the one way road very slowly to piss John off, so when we got to the 2 lane section he tried to pass me and I sped up. We started going down the road out behind A Mountain at a high speed, toping out at about 75. Sometime during this John finally passed me so James whipped out his paintball gun and busted a shot. John pulled over and I slowly went by him and Cory who was in John's car threw a bunch of paintballs at my car, none broke. After John wiped off the paint we got going again, and I don't remember if we shot his car again or not but he pulled over again and this time Justin, who was in my car, threw a bunch of paintballs at John's car and they broke. After John cleaned up again we got going, me in the lead this time. When we pulled in to go to Justin's house Cory busted 2 shots at my car, 1 missed, the other hit, so we turned around and I couldn't find John. We drove for a while more before dropping Justin off and going home. As for the truck sticking: we got the great idea during a paintball match to drive a truck through and try to shoot the people riding in the back. We have successfully done this before, but this time John was driving and he somehow managed to run it into a ravine, missing a 15 foor wide smoothe spot by no more than 6 feet and getting the back wheels dropped into a ditch. We spent an hour getting the truck out. During this time some of our people busted up some shots at some political signs, and when the guy came out of his house very angrily he informed the sheriff that we were on private property and we had vandalized someone's property. The guy was really mad that we were on private property even though it wasn't his. After he yelled at us from the end of his driveway he got in his white Chevy Astro and drove the 50 feet to us very fast, got out of his car, wrote down M. Harvey's license plate number, and proceded to call us assholes and dickheads. First one Sheriff came, we told him the story, then another came, and they talked about how they needed to waste the last 8 minutes they were on call, then a third sheriff showed up, this one a female, and the first thing she said after getting out of her car and taking a look at the 10 to 15 teenagers trying to dig their car out of a ravine was "were they evading?". This disturbed me. I still think about it today. She shows up to see a bunch of teenagers out in the desert and immediately assumes that we were evading. I'll leave you with this thought. §éë ¥å £ä†ê®

Oct. 31- If you're hoping for some great halloween stories this is not the place for you, go away. Tonight I went to the "House of Destruction" aka the Cristian Conversian Center. They pounded their anti-satan pro-christ message for 3 hours. Most of it was while we stood in line and listened to Christian music. But once we got inside the real christian message was spread with quite a bit of force. There were a total of 6 scenes acted out by people: 1)a girl comes home, tells her mom she is pregnant, her mom gets mad, she shoots herself. 2)a bunch of people are at a rave and someone ODs on something and dies. 3)A gang fight breaks out and someone gets shot. 4)Some people are drunk driving and die in a car wreck. After the first 4 there was the "Satan causes all of this" type shit. 5)A hell scene complete with painted on fire and screams. 6) a jesus scene in which jesus is killed "for my sins". After all of this we went into a small room (probably the locker room sense all the scenes were in the gym) and were asked if we were giving our soul to christ for 30 minutes, then we finally escaped. On my way home I got terrible news, my dog Socks had died. I wrote something a little while after I went to see her, so here it is:
On the subject of reality death is as real as it gets. Death is the most permanent reality ou will ever face. There is no greater devastation than the death of something you love. All this talk of death is not because it is halloween, it is because tonight, October 31, 2002, my dog, Socks, died. She wasn't an old dog, she was only a few years old. I remember the first night we had her she stayed in my room and since my brother went to sleep I had to take care of her. I didn't get much sleep that night because she would wimper and whine every time I put her in the bed we had made for her so I would have to hold her until she fell asleep. This cycle of me putting her in her bed adn her waking up and whining until I held her continued all night. For the first few months we had her she would always whine at the door and scratch at it for us to let her in. Once she got used to being outside her and my older dog, Goldie, would always play together. As she got older she got a little bit vicious and we would have to break up fights between her and Goldie. Lately they haven't been fighting very often. Socks loved to fetch things, but never like to give them back, Goldie never learned how to fetch and you can't teach an old dog new tricks, so I am going to miss throwing tennis balls adn whatever else Socks could get to. Tonight Socks choked on something and died. She was always putting things that were too big for her in her mouth. Tonight I went and saw her in my dad's backyard. I didn't go and say hi to my dad and the rest of my fam, I went staight to the backyard to see how Goldie was doing. Dogs are not stupid, Goldie knew damn well that Socks was no more and she showed it. I sat in my backyard petting Goldie, looking at Socks, and crying because I miss her so much. I went to pet Socks and she was very stiff, it made me feel terrible that my fiesty baby could no longer move. It hurts to think that I won't be able to see my baby anymore, and that yet another of my baby Goldie's companians has died.

Oct. 5- Yesterday was the day I went to the fair with Cassie, Chrissie, Ryan, and Dax. The fair was the usual "our prices are very high and we don't have much to do" type experience, but we had alot of fun. We drove up to the fair in Cassie's repo Rodeo, which she thinks sucks, but I liked it. When we got there, Cassie decided that she and Chrissie were going to get in free by saying that they were with the LCHS horticulture department (keep in mind that only Cassie really is), so when we got to the ticket booth Cassie and Chrissie said they were on "the list" and the lady marked off Cassie's name, and when she got to Emilee Peugh (Chrissie's fake name) the name had already been marked off, but with some quick thinking we decided to say that "Emilee" was just going back in, and so we got them in free. Ryan had a free pass, so he got in free, and me and Dax had to pay. I don't remember the exact order we did things in, but I'll try to tell you everything that happened. We looked at the displays and made fun of all the winners and said that the judges must have sucked, and the old people in the building got angry, but in most casses the people who lost should have won and the people who won should have lost. We went into another building and took some candy from one of the tables (it was free, but the guy didn't want to give us as much as we took). The rides were extremely high priced as usual, so only Cassie and Chrissie rode a ride. They rode the Zipper, you know the one, every year you think it is going to fall apart, and every year they bring it back, and every year people ride it. We managed to not waste any money at the trick games, although we were seriously considering getting some of the posters, and trying some of the games. We did, however, go and buy some lemonaide and a funnel cake because we were hungry and thirsty (and no, we didn't each buy a lemonaide and a funnel cake, all 5 of us shared a lemonaide and a funnel cake, we're not poor, we're just smart)(no wait I am poor, but smart too)(ok, I'm not smart). The lemonaide was really good, so me and Cassie paid for a refill (they were half price) and as we did that Chrissie, Ryan and Dax went away, and we couldn't find them for a while, but eventually they came back. Sometime before we got lemonaide we watched some of the races, and a paintball game. The races sucked, I think they were just practicing. And the paintball match also sucked, this one fat guy would always go and get the flag and the other team would just stay behing their bunkers and not shoot him. After the lemonaide, we were watching the belly dancers (and most of them had alot of belly to dance with) and we were trying to decide whether or not to go and joing them. Ryan was the only one with big enough balls to join them, so as we made our way towards the animals, Ryan belly danced right though the belly dancing area, and he was damn funny, and pretty good at the dancing. We went and saw the animals, they were the usual smelly animals, but they were very soft, and we petted them. Sometime before we went to the show animals area, we had gone to the petting zoo area, and petted those soft animals. They had a zebra and a camel in the pettin zoo, and now I think zebras and camels are cool, because zebras are really pretty, and camels are soft. I would like to ride a camel through the desert someday. After we went to see the show animals we left. We had a bit of trouble finding the repo Rodeo, but we found it eventually. Chrissie's parents weren't very happy to know that we were going without an adult, but I've known them for almost 16 years (Chrissie is my cousin) and I know they'll get over it. After we dropped off Chrissie and Dax, we were on our way to drop off Ryan, and I spoted my older brother Robert (the super Senior) and his friend J-Dogg, driving in J-Dogg's pimped out 2000 civic hatchback, so when we stopped at a red light behind them I jumped out of the repo Rodeo and knocked on my brother's window. It scared the shit out of him, and I got in the pimped out civic, and he took me home. When I say that this civic was pimped out I actually mean it. It is lowered, has 18-inch wheels, has a nice body kit, has a lcd display for the cd player and vcr (yes a vcr, the dvd player hasn't been installed yet) and all kinds of other shit. It is getting a B16A engine put in very soon (if you don't know what that is, it is a very nice, very powerful engine). So after I was dropped off I srewed around on the computer for a while, then I went to sleep. I got up today between 11a.m. and 1p.m. (no that does not mean 12, it means I woke up at 11, and layed in my bed, dazed and confused for 2 hours). That's all I have to say for now, I'll §éë ¥å £ä†ê®

Oct. 2- I said in the message board that I would put this up so here it's at:

Natural Born Losers
We're natural born losers from the time they rip us out of the womb
To the time they stuff us into a tomb
For the fuck of it we made a list,
But we know that all these girls will ever say to us is "you can't get none of this"
The greatest part of our day is saying something including the phrase "your mom"
And we all know we'll be alone on the night of the prom.
The greatest part of our life is the internet
And all we do there is fuck around and talk shit.

*Yes we're natural born losers from beginning to end
*And tomarrow nothing will change form you and I my friend

You would think that for the lack of women we would have straight As
But we don't, we put off doing our homework for days
I let some of these girls walk all over me;
One of my life's greatest achievements is that I once had blue pee
At lunch we always talk shit and get mad
But we never fight, we are such little bitches, if you ever say us you would feel sad
I used to be in band, I used to play the tromboner
Now half the time I don't know where I am and fatboy thinks I'm a stoner
*
*
We once saw two people making out and when the finished we began to applaud
If one of us was ever seen with a woman the others would think he was god
Fatboy says 4:20 isn't a very good time
Oh well, fuck it, that's when I wrote this rhyme
A band I listen to religiously is Rage Against the Machine
I try to get into bands, I tell them that I could play the tamborine
But it seems that no bands have any need for a loser like me
I can't even get in on the marching band jamborie
*
*
I flip out when you suggest that our paintball team name be the Rangers
While others in the same school have to worry about gang related dangers
Yes I'm a weak little bitch and those who live more dangerously than me say I'm gay
And as I read their names in the obituaries I put on my white bike helmet and ride to school for another day
We get the greatest entertainment from putting a rock in the door
We laugh as people come up, and the when they trip we laugh some more
I do stupid stuff and almost get my ass kicked daily
I'm hoping that people will notice so I can get some attention, just maybe.
*
*
The only bigger losers than us are the jammers of Rob Zombie
and all those fucking preps who wear the bitch Fitch and Abercrombie

   I'm not yet finished, so send me your lines in the message board (link soon to be on front page) and I'll §éë ¥å £ä†ê®

Sep. 20- It is quite near to the 21st of september, but I will just keep the date as the 20th even though this will probably spill into the 21st. Today was an even grander Friday than the last which I proclaimed to be grand. Today once again before school was quite unintersting, but that's ok. In chemistry fatboy had us make some tasty snacks out of sugar, something with caffeine, butter, peanut butter, peanuts, and cheerios. It turned out to be fairly good snack. After that I left to see a volley ball game, or so I said. I sat in the gym lobby for a while and watched a guy break dance, I made a comment to Kyle M. (the fake Kyle) that the dude looked like a backstreet boy because he did this stupid little thing with his arms; and Kyle M., being the nice guy that he is informed this guy of what I said, and of course he wasn't very happy about it. He came over and I said that the hand shit looked gay, but the rest was good and he said something about shooting me, most likely in the back, but I wasn't really paying attention. He went back to where he was, and I said something like, that I'm sorry for associating him with the backstreet boys, and that I didn't know he was with 98degrees (another boy band who didn't make it quite as big as the backdoor boys.) After that we went and watched some volleyball (Franklin vs. Carlsbad) and Kyle M. and I discussed bands, and I tried to get him to let me into his (Simply Stated [ya that's their band name]), but I'm still not. After that I went to Physics, and learned about forces and Newtons and other physics type stuff. Lunch must have been pretty fun because I don't remember it too well. US History was a boring class, all we did was read and fill out a worksheet (which is what we do every day, but this time we had a sub, so it was even more boring). Geometry was the usual party it usually is, but this time I learned a little about proofs, and just like the rumor dictates, they do suck. After school I rode my bike around for 1.5 hours, not counting how long it took me to ride home. I paid a visit to my little brother's little friend Heath, and played a little bit of Grand Theft Auto 3, which is definetly one of the grandest games ever created. I then paid a little visit to Ryan and Adam at the *Jones* residence, then I rode down the street and said hi to Colby. After that I attended the football game in which the terrible Onate Knights were womped on by the half-ass Cruces "Dawgs" (in quotes to emphasise the illiteracy of LCHS). This game was quite a fun time, at first I sat by the band, but once I spotted Chuck K. I went and sat with him. Soon after I sat with Mr. Charles (Chuck) several of his homies showed up and we had a grand ol' time. I sat with Charles for a while then went back and sat with the band until they left for the halftime show, then I went and stood by Chuck (I say stood because we had to stand because we were in the student section and the people in front of us were standing for school spirit, and we had to stand just to see). I alternated between standing by Charles and sitting by the band for the rest of the game. After the game I tried to find the band to take part in the Lucky-Charms-Over-Head-Bashing-Ritual but because they had to play music forever after the game I was unable to attend. I was, however, able to follow them to the "Flores tells you you did a good job" area; on the way I tried to get in step with the band and march next to a row of Tromboners, but the cattle gaurd lady told me to leave the band alone. Later I wished I would have responded by telling her to leave the food alone, but I don't think that fast, especially not while trying to stay in step with the band. After that I went home, made myself a couple of eggs, and listened to the Eminem Show cd that Justin burned for me while updating my website (thanks for the cd Justin). That is all I have to say for now so I'll §éë ¥å £ä†ê®

Sep. 18- I said in the news update of this same date that I would not expand into a thought, but I have. In US History we are now studying how the US, after the revolutionary war, had to establish a government system, and it is restoring some of my faith in the United States (now I realize that the government isn't fucked up, it's the people who run it.) And I was thinking about how I said in the news on this day that you must be 18 to buy a cd. I think that law sucks. I think that there should just be a big sticker that say "Warning, this mutha fucking cd has some cussing and shit in it, bitch" that way everyone in the area knows what is going on in that cd, then the person in the front should harass you when you go to buy it saying things like, "are you sure you want to buy that? it will make you less of a good person. Your mother probably won't like it. You should think about it some more" and after all this if they still want to buy it, they should be able to buy it, regardless of age. well that is what I think, come back later, and I'll §éë ¥å £ä†ê®

Sep. 6- Today was one of the grandest fridays I've had in a while. Today was a quite fantastic band shoe friday, I don't even remember if anyone else participated, but I am just so used to it by now that it doesn't even matter, I don't care how many of you tell me "give it up Kyle, it's dead" I'll still do it every friday that I remember. Before school wasn't too much fun, but that's ok, it usually isn't. 2nd period was alright, I laughed alot and got punched alot, but it was pretty fun. The end of the period dragged ass because we took notes and learned new stuff for our test on Monday (which I will not be studying for;) it was so boring, in fact, that I felt like skipping 4th because I didn't feel like getting in on any more science knowledge in physics. I went to physics anyways, it was alright, just some notes and a worksheet which took up the whole period. Lunch was where it was at today. We had some laughs, we played some Egyptian Rat Screw, or ERS for short, which I am terrible at, but it is still great fun. After that we went to our secondary meeting spot where we continued our tradition of putting a rather large rock in the door to keep it open, and to trip people. Mrs. Shearin is always a threat to our huge rock fun because she always comes that way after lunch and usually moves it, but today was different, she actually tripped over it before throwing it to the side, and it was a pretty mean trip, she almost fell, kinda like I did in demonstration before that. After we reinacted our tradition of huge rocks, we found a new tradition to follow, watching the local lesbos make out. It isn't all as intertaining as the porn sites make it out to be, these ladies aren't exactly the hottest in the school, but they aren't bad, if I get a got minicam, you might catch some of that on here along with people tripping on rocks of a large nature. After that fun I went to 6th period to fill out some US History work sheets, same as usual, at least the scenery is nice, if you know what I'm saying. 8th wasn't the usual joy it is as advertised below, because two particular individuals decided not to show up, but me Adam and the rest of the class had a pretty good time going over our homework and learning some new Geometry. After school was pretty fun too. I got to see my delinquit brother (who you may know for such genius acts as still being in highschool and only being 3 months away from 20) and his friend Bobby. I got to drive Bobby's car, which is a pretty nice Toyota Tercel that used to belong to his hilarious brother Mark. I did quite a bit of cruising on my bike, I saw my brother (who will now be refered to as Robert)'s friend Chris in his quite nice Acura Integra with Nitrous Oxide, followed by a fairly nice Ford focus (also owned by a friend of this ring of nice car owners) and that car was followed by the previously mentioned Tercel. I rode my bike along side these cars as they exited the trailer park where I live, slowing to nearly 0 at every speed bump for fear of killing their car. I bunny hopped over all of the speed bumps, and I must say I am getting pretty good at this bunny hopping thing. After that my Dad's friend/worker Poncho picked my brother and I up and took us over to my dad's where shortly after being dropped off I ordered a pizza (which we already ate, so don't bother asking for any) and drove my G Wagon ('88 Honda Civic Hatchback) up the street to my cousin's house to pick up my little sister. All in all this day has been quite fantastic. Tomarrow I will be going to Phoenix to visit my German cousin who will soon be finishing flight school soon, so I probably won't write anymore this weekend. While on the road I hope to get my trigonometry and my geometry homework done, as well as reading a vast majority of Wuthering Hights (which I haven't even started yet, but the introduction is good.) That's all for now, tune in same uh, website, and uh, same uh, Kyle, and I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Sep. 5- This week I have thought about college way too much. Yesterday I got a PSAT packet from my AES facilitator, and it says "Get ready for college." For the entire period in english today we talked about the AP test and how it works, giving you college credit and shit, and we talked about other college stuff like ACTs and SATs and all kinds of stuff which I hear way too much about. I know college is important, I have just heard too much about it lately. I want to go to NMSU for a bachelor's degree, and to MIT for my master's and that's all I need to know right now. I'll write some more later, I gotta go, I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Aug. 31- It is now 12:49 am, by all legality it is Saturday hence the date of the 31st. I am returning to my night time writing, and, as you will see, a more diary like format. Today, or yesterday it was, I went to the football game, I don't remember if we won or lost, I'm pretty sure we lost, but that's not why I went. I went for the fun, and to bother people. Jacob and I went and sat by the band whenever we were sitting, but we were walking alot. We went to the other team's side me wearing my LCHS Showcase Band shirt and pissed off some guys from El Paso. On our way back to our side some guy barked at me, and I said, "oh ya, I'm real scared" and kept walking, he turned around and said something in spanish so I said, "I don't speak that language, homes" and him and his 3 or 4 friends followed Jacob and I for a while before turning back around; we saw them again and they followed us some more, but no major conflics occured. I brought my mouth piece and a harmonica and wistled with my mouth piece and played my harmonica to the fight song. Quite a few people who's names are on the list were spied at the game, which is another reason why I didn't catch much of the game. I had a pretty good time. On the way back home we had our windows down and I was singing a Rage song and as we came up to a van the driver rolled up the window, I don't think he liked me very much, but that's ok, not many people do. That is all for now, this is Kyle signing off, I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Aug. 30- as you know I will not be getting my license until October 11th, why is this, well it is because I am an idiot and a cheap bastard, you see instead of going to LTD for driving lessons I went to the school and had to wait 3.5 months after my birthday to get my permit, but if I had gone to LTD I would have my provisional right now. I have wasted 3.5 months of my fucking life because of this. Today I decided to ditch this shitty idea of writing to all of you about how I feel about other people, particualarly girls, particualarly Kirsten. You see today she was talking to Jenna about how she needs a boyfriend (to keep me away from her, but fuck him, like he's gonna stop me) she knew that I could hear her, and Jenna suggested me, and she didn't even joke wit' me about it, now that is some fucked up shit in my opinion. I think that since I told Jenna my web address, and she said that she came here, that she read all about my chronicles and told Kirsten about it. But what the fuck does this all matter, I can't do shit about it, I have gone with my usual method of fucking things up for myself, and this time I dind't even have to tell her how I felt; same result, less work, I think that I made out pretty good on this deal. I was going to write her a letter about how I feel, but fuck that shit, 'cause I ain't the one (quoting Ice Cube) she won't even give a fuck, so I have decided to just ditch project K and move onto something else. I mean what the fuck could I do to help myself in this? is she looking for someone taller, stronger, faster, fuck that, like I'm gonna work hard enough to achieve that for anyone; I'm not even worthy. Well that's all I have to bitch about today, so I'll bitch at ya, whoops, I mean I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Aug. 29- The following thoughts were origialy written a few days ago, and the dates are as posted, so here it is:    Aug. 25 The amount of fun I had this weekend should be illegal. Friday was kind of a daze, but it wasn't bad and in some cases isn't counted as part of the weekend. Saturday I went to Genesis and got some All-Stars (paintballs) for the price of regular genesis paint because I know the guy there and he said they were getting old. After that I went to the mall and me and my brother both got a new pair of jeans from Anchor Blue courtesy of our mother. After that we kicked it at our house until it was time to go 'ballin'. Paintball seemed like it was going to suck, but it ended up kicking ass. I don't remember shooting anyone, but I got shot alot and I had fun. After paintball we went to John's house for burgers and cookies, which was great (thank you John's mom.) That night I slept with my contacts on and in the morning my eyes didn't hurt as bad as they did the first time I did that. (I left them in all day today.) Today I didn't do much although I should have been doing homework. At 6 I went to my cousin Shawn's birthday party and hung out with the members of his band Letter 27. It was alot of fun, we played crocket (I don't know how to spell it, it's the one with the balls and hammer lookin' things and the little arches that you put the balls through.) and talked at dinner. At dinner my family retold old stories of injuries (especially Shawn's) to Shawn's friends/band mates. All in all it was a great night, and after reading a chapter in Frankenstein (which I was supposed to have read this summer) and doing some of my trig homework (which is due tomarrow) I did some freestyle rapping with my brother, then wrote this shaith down, and I will post it up in my thoughts section later. That's all for now, I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®.

   Aug. 28 I almost feel like the world is against me, then I remember that it doesn't give a fuck about me, so it can't be against me. At lunch for the first time there was that "ok..." followed by that awkward silence, you know the one, and I usually don't get that at lunch, some one will usually follow up with a "Kyle, you are a fucking idiot," but not today. I took my driving test today, and it wasn't really bad, I got a 95, 5 points off for speeding because the speed went from 35 to 25 and I missed the sign. After the driving test I went to the MVD Express just to find out that I can't get my license until October 11th. I hate this new driver's license law, it is total shit, sure less teens are going to crash, you let less of them on the road; if you take any age group off the road they will crash less. The overcasted-ness and rain didn't help my mood either, it's no wonder why Seattle had the highest suicide rate of big cities, people need sun, "This is for the people of the sun" -Rage Against the Machine. Speaking of Rage, I recently found out that Timmy C of Rage is an idiot, I first heard of it from the guitar player from Letter 27 and When I saw Timmy C climb a fake palm tree at the MTV VMA re-runs, after watching the interview with him and some other people, I determined that he is an idiot. So here I am, I went into this thought pissed off and feeling like shit, and now I feel less pissed off and less like shit, which goes to prove to you and writing shit down does for you. I'm still very pissed about this anonymous shit on my message board, and I'm sorry for rushing in and blaming Justin for all of it, I am now pretty sure it wasn't him, but so far he has pointed a finger at Cory (not beef,) Hardkore, and Dax, with Dax as his most likely suspect. So tomarrow I will straighten all of this out. I have alot to do with my site, I need to tidy up the message board, make some cartoons, and put all these thoughts that I've been scribbling on paper into my thoughts section. I think that I will start taking some action with the girl who's name appears quite frequently in my thoughts (both written here and the other sense of it.) Lately I've been kissing her ass, but I think I will start some affirmative action. If I had a car this would be easier, oh wait, I do have a car, I just don't have a license, oh well, we'll just see how things work out. That's all for now, I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Aug. 25- yes, I am a lazy piece of shit. my to-do list for the weekend has been left unchanged, I have only read one chapter of Frankenstein and I have 5 more to go. I still need to read 4 books from the bible, I am only hald way through my trig homework and my geometry homework has not even been attempted. On the site I need to make it more fun, I should probably make more cartoons, I think I'll make one about lunch today, I just thought of it now. I'll write somemore whenever the fuck I feel like it, but that's all for now, so I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®
continued (later)- I've been thinking, and I just wonder why the fuck we need to know how to read a fucking book, and why we need to know about romanticism and rationalism unless we are going to be some kind of fucking book writer. I know that since I have this opinion I probably shouldn't be in the honors course, but they teach this same shit in the other ones too. I need to take math because I want to be an engineer and that has alot of math. I think that we need to take the sciences for a basic understanding of the way the world works, and I have already had several years of english to get a basic understanding of it. I understand that we need to take history because history does repeat itself, and we need to know what's up to help prevent more shit from happening, but who the fuck cares if english repeats itself? does anybody really care if the writing style changes back to some bullshit that it used to be? I don't. The main reason for my rage is that I don't want to do my stupid english homework, because I hate to mark what I read, I like to read every now and again, but I hate marking it. If I read a book and did't remember a damn thing from it I wouldn't really care unless it's an instruction book, which is different. that's all my rambling for today.

Aug. 23- Ah yes, today was a grand friday, a band shoe friday, and for this year, an I get to see Kirsten on friday friday. This has been a shabby introduction to this thought, so here is the rest: So I was talking with Kirsten and Jenna in geometry today and I had my leg sticking out the front of my desk really close to Kirsten's leg, and she put her feet on mine and I lifted them up, then when she actually put some weight on my leg I couldn't move my damn leg, so she just put one foot on mine, and I still couldn't lift it, and I was trying my ass off. I think I am severely weak in the leg. But while this was happening she noticed that my pants are all ragged on the bottom because they are too long and they drag and get ripped, so she decided that she wanted to tear some of the ragged ass parts off, and while she was trying to do this I said, "I have never had a girl trying to rip my pants off before" and we all thought it was quite funny. That is all I have to report today and I have alot of shaith to get done this weekend, so I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Aug. 11- I'm sure you have seen at least one of those Hyundai comercials with the catchy song and their wonderful warrenty; if not then just pretend like you do, it will help you understand what is coming up next. What pisses me off is that they claim that you have the "Freedom of America's best warrenty" and I'm wondering what the hell that means. Is it the freedom to buy the piece of sh*t car and be forced to use their wonderful warrenty when your f*cking car breaks down in the middle of no where in the middle of the night if pouring rain with no one there to help you? or perhaps it's the freedom to run your car into a brick wall and collect on the wonderful warrenty. Better yet it could be the freedom to pick a different car that doesn't really need a warrenty, therefor has a shitty one just for technical reasons. I don't see any reason to be bragging about a good warrenty. I never knew of a warrenty that could get me to the hospital when I break my leg crashing on my bike for the entertainment of the band kids, or a warrenty that I could get laid in the back seat of, or a warrenty that I could live in until I find a cheap appartment, or even a warrenty to show off in. I think that what people should be proud of and show off is a quality product, one that doesn't have to have a warrenty standing behind it to make it strong, a product whose performance and beauty almost sells itself, and a product that you can depend on for longer than 10 years or 100,000 miles. I think that Hyundai is a cheap knock-off of Honda. Some of you know that I am a Honda fanatic, I have a Honda sign that I like to wear around my neck to show my pride, and If I ever make it big instead of a Ferrari or that other one that starts with an L, or a Porcshe (however you spell it) I will just have a beautiful fleat of Honda Civics in my garage (or car hole for those who don't speak French and watch the Simpsons.) That's all the rambling I have for now so tune in next time, same twisted mind, same twisted web site. §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Jul. 30- Ah yes, I have drawn you in, but will I tell you what I have promised? yes. Well I was reading the paper and I noticed that they list the names of people who have committed crimes recently, along with their address. So I was thinking, hey, let's bust these people up. (No, this ins't what I was talking about on the front page) Well, now I'm into this whole reading what the newpaper says thing, so I move on into the Bankrupcy section and I read one particular name: David A. Gibbs, I'm pretty sure that's the guy who runs Genesis, which might explain why he wasn't very happy to see me.

Now I'm onto section two: the message board at 18Grade A Eggs. This message board has been used for many things, but recently it has been used to bash me. That isn't so bad, I can usually stand up to it, but it gets old fast. Its most recent use was to post up a phone number. I think that it is rather f*cked up to post people's phone numbers on public message boards, so that is why I have brought on subject two. The name of the Poster was Dax Contrer, which I assume to be Dax, not wanting to put his whole last name for security purposes, or it could have been someone else, trying to get Dax blamed for this, but I am pretty sure that it was Dax. Now I am making a big deal out of this because the post subject read "Kirsten's phone # (here ya go kyle)" which suggests that I was in need of this phone number (but I already had it.) The post that comes after this title reads: "Hey Kyle, I happen to have her phone #, because her mom bought luminarias from me. I dont care if you want to use it, I just thought you might find it "helpful". Here it is: 647-****,[edited] have fun." Now I'm going to cut the bullsh*t out of this thought from here on out, this suggests that I like her and that I wanted her phone number. The truth is, yes I do like her, I have since I first saw her in sixth grade, I probably made it obvious to her last year because we had the same drafting class. I don't really care if everybody knows this, I used to care alot, but I have made it too obvious to cover up any longer. What I don't understand is why Dax would wish to bring about my downfall by releasing this info, perhaps he likes her too and would like to diminish my chances with her, but I can do that myself.     continued Jul. 31- I kinda forgot where I had planned on going with this, but I will try to continue. I don't even remember telling Dax anything about her, but I have told other people, maybe they told him, or maybe they did this, whatever the reason or whoever did this, I just want to tell them they have failed to bring me harm, and I just want to say something like "ha ha" and "f*ck you" combined, so just put those two together and you know how I feel. That's all I have to say for now, so I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®.

Jul. 27- Today I started off the day by not wanting to wake up. I didn't get up until around 8 and my alarm went off at 7 and I didn't turn it off until I got up (I had it set on radio, there is no way I could stand a buzzer for an hour.) After I got up I ate breakfast and went to my grandma's to feed her cats and make sure the house was still there and in good shape. My mom came and picked me up at about 1 and took me and my brother to get a hair cut. After that we went to Factory 2 U to look for clothes, we didn't buy anyting because I think that their clothes suck there. After that we stopped by our favorite paintball store , Genesis, and the man in charge didn't seem to happy to see me and my brother. I'm not sure if it was because somebody told him I was running a rival business or because we told him we did not intend to buy anything, but for whichever reason it was, he wasn't happy. I checked out their stuff and I noticed that their Spyder Shutters are priced right at $250 (compared to $145 at Action Village) and it reminded me why I hadn't been there in 7 months. I also noticed that autocockers are much smaller than I thought, and that if I ever switch my paintball gun to compressed air I will get a 68ci tank because they are of a very convinient size. I asked about the field and he told me it was opening August 10th, he said it was "fo' sho'" (not like that, but that's how I would have said it.) so I will now post that up on my calendar. We should plan on busting up the field on the 10th. After Genesis we came home, and that is all I have done today, I will probably go back to my grandma's tonight and take care of things, and it will be just as fun as ever. I'll talk to you mutha fuggaz later, and I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Jul. 26- A few dayz ago I was watching the Saturday Night Live re-runs on Comedy Central and Steve Forbes (one of the guys from the repulican primaries running for president) was hosting and the musical guest was Rage Against the Machine. I was going to write how that is all ironic because Rage is all anti-gov and Steve Forbes was running for prez, but then I realized that Rage is not anti-gov--at least not in their music--and Steve Forbes is a funny guy.

Since Sunday the 21st I have been house sitting for my grandma who is out visiting all kinds of people she knows in northern New Mexico and Colorado. House sitting kinda sucks because I have a lot of responsibility, I have six cats and one dog to take care of (the dog is like three hundred years old, it has three legs, and it pisses in its little doggy bed every two hours, so ya, it is a big responsibilty.)

I have spent several hours by myself, while house sitting, just watching tv, doing chores around the house, and eating. I have had way too much time to think, if you think too much you start thinking about yourself, what you are, what you stand for, and who you are to others. I had too much thinking time when I was in sixth grade too because I didn't have anything to do and I went through this same sh*t, and I never figured out who I was, I just stopped thinking about it. This is the one time school and homework are necessary for me, I need to keep my mind occupyed or I do this, and it makes me insane. It is hard to describe how I feel, I just need something to do and the summer reading for school just isn't working for me (probably because I'm not doing it.) I start thinking about what kind of person I want to be: do I want to be a stupid yet funny bastard, a funny in a good way bastard, a smart and sometimes funny bastard, a total idiot, a total smart ass, or just some idiot; well the answer to all of this (which I have found through my experience and from thinking while I write this) is that I can be all of them, just at different times, as the situation calls, and how people look at me and think of what I'm doing. I also think about who I want to become: a genius, a funny dude, a bad-ass, or a ladies man; I sort of try for all of them, but for different people. When around older family and older friends I want to appear smart, sometimes a little funny depending on how well I know them, but I never want to appear like a smart ass, a bad-ass, an ass, or a ladies man. When around friends sometimes I want to be smart, sometimes funny, sometimes bad-ass, and sometimes the ladies man, all depending on what the situation calls for. I figure you get the picture on the rest of the situations so I wont explain them (and if you don't well then that's just too bad, let go of the mouse, and let the nice lady put your nice white jacket back on, and feed you your applesauce.) That's all the rambling I have for now, come back later, and I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Jul. 18- Today I was supposed to go to my great grandma's to work at 8:30, so at 8 my alarm goes off, I turn it off and go back to sleep. I wake up again at 8:20, and I'm hurrying like hell to get dressed and to go and get my helmet and to unlock my bike and ride over there, I got there at 8:33, tired, hungry, and confused. I mowed her lawn for 3 hours and then rode back home and had some breakfast at 11:45.

Now onto my latest paintball fun. We had a match at John's yesterday (Wednesday) sure it wasn't on my proposed every 2nd and 4th Saturday, but I don't give a f*ck about that anymore. I showed up at about 5 and the meet time was 4:30, but hey, what the f*ck, at least I showed up. I think that this was the second best that I was ever had (first was the first one I went to, I had no idea where people were and I was new so I didn't keep track of where people were so it was so damn scary.) I won every match I played except the last one because my entire team ran out of air. Which brings me to my next subject, everybody who got a fill at the last match will be getting a replacement because I realized after the match that I was doing that sh*t wrong. I think that I am getting better at paintball, because I tend to stay in the match now, I'm shooting more people, and my team is shooting more people. I feel like I make more of the right moves instead of walking into traps like I used to, or maybe the other team just wasn't setting up traps for me this time, I don't know yet; I guess I'll have to wait for Techno Wars to find out.

Jul. 13- I have been talking alot on the front news section about how busy I have been working and all that crap. Today I worked for my Grandma and my dad, but I realized that I probably have the greatest work schedule in the world. I don't work every day; I usually just work in the morning so I have all the afternoon and night off; I do whatever the hell I want when I'm not working; and I get paid more than minimum wage. I realized this after I had a pretty boring and later shitty and then good day. I worked at my grandma's from 8 to 11, then I worked for my dad from 3 to 5. After that I sat around for a while until my mom came home at about 7:45. She told me and my brother that she was smoking again because her job is all stressful, and this kinda pissed us off because it took so much f*cking effort to get her to stop last time. My brother took it worse than I did, but we were both pretty pissed off. I rode my bike for about 15 minutes then sat down and talked to my mom about it and I felt better about it. (if you ever have something that is really occupying your mind that you can't stop thinking about or work around you should talk about it, it really helps, if you can't talk about it then write out your thoughts on a piece of paper, this will help you much more than you expect.) After I talked with my mom she went and talked to my brother and then everything was alright. When I first found out I went to my room and threw my mattress on the floor and kicked its ass, but I am going to leave it there, I like the floor better than my bed.

Now onto a different subject. I am very glad that I took a typing class last year. It was one of the most entertaining classes I have ever taken, and it taught me a very valuable skill, and you might have guessed what it is, typing. It allows me to write this sh*t faster, so I can get my thoughts off as fast as I think of them so you can read them. So take a typing class if you don't know how to type (if you go to LCHS I would suggest trying to get Mr. Myers, he is very funny and the class is pretty easy.) Well, that is all for now, so I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Jul. 3- Today I have a lot of shaith to write about, so I will break it up for yo ass.

I have been holding on to this thought for a long time to write here and now I can finally write it. I thought of this as I was leaving the movie theater after seeing Spider Man (which I thought sucked) I was leaving my seat and getting ready to go into the side isle and I thought: Elephants need turn signals. How the hell did I come up with this? I don't know, but I started thinking about it more and I realized: yes, one day we will need turn signals for elephants. why? because we are going to run out of this fossil fuel shaith and we are going to have to ride elephants instead of cars and we better have turn signals on those big gray go-mobiles so that we know who is turning and which way they are turning.

Now onto the races and fishing. Both are considered somewhat on the hillbilly side, but they are both a great way to spend a weekend. If you haven't done either I suggest trying them. I would suggest going to the races when the sprint cars are there, those little go-mobiles are awesome, they are very small, they look funny, and the go faster than elephants turn signals. It is very exciting to watch those go-mobiles at the races fighting for the inside on the turn, sometimes going to the outside, off the track, and filpping over, or just running into a concrete wall. Fishing can get boring when the fish don't want to participate, but when those shiny little pieces of slipery food get into the game with you and you have several lines out and all of them have fish it gets pretty fun. We should go to the races and go fishing some time, it will be lots of fun, and hey, it's another way to put off doing homework during the school year.

Now onto my work: Lately I have been doing work, yes, my lazy ass actualy working? I usually mow my grandma and/or great grandma's lawnz, lately I painted a house, before that I built a porch thing, and most recently I scraped calcium deposits off the sides of my uncle's pool (which made me decide to never get a pool because it is just too much damn work) I had to scrape off all of that crap with pumice, it is a volcanic rock that floats, I had to use it because it doesn't scratch up the pool tiles, it just scrathes the shaith out of my fingers- my thumbs actually bled, yep, lots of fun.

well, I hope it has been fun for you too; I'll §€ë ¥å £ä†ê®

Jun. 27- I would like to start off with a thought that I originally wrote in Simon's message board:
you know, our sites will never reach the level of greatness which .coms reach, and there are two reasons for that: 1)our sites are .tripod.coms, that says we are poor, and poor people aren't supposed to make good sites 2)we have news sections on the front page, this means that we care (which means we aren't going to rape you of your money which means we aren't willing to pay alot of money to make our site great) and it also means that we are probably the only person working on it, which means that not alot of crap is going to get done on that site and probably only one person will be putting their ideas into the site so it might suck.

Now another thought: I was mowing my grandma's lawn today and I was thinking about my site, and I realized that it is getting to be not funny enough. This thought isn't going to help because it isn't going to be funny. I think that in the past few days I have changed from being all about the fun to being all about the money. This change has been happening in me for a while and it isn't really a change from the old to the new, it is a change from the new to the newer. When I was somewhere around 7 or 8 I went to that store in the Solano shopping place (the one with Blockbuster in it) it is called outdoor adventure or some crap like that, and when I went in there I decided that I wanted to be a climber so I started adding up prices for the stuff in my head (this was before I became the stupid idiot I am today) and when I was all done the total was somewhere around $103. When I got home I realized that I didn't have any money so I decided to save up my money. After a while I forgot what the hell I was saving for but I just kept going, I was all about the money, having money made me feel good, it makes me feel like I am worth something and that if I f*ck up I can fix it. (Then I broke my mom's windshield with a rock and my brother's sligshot--completely accidently--and I had to pay $200 to get a new one, but that is a different story) All those years while I was saving my money I was still having fun, comedy was one of the greatest things to me because it was very entertaining and it is free. But in the past three days I haven't really had alot of fun, I have been working and making money; I can't stay up late anymore because I go to work early in the morning so that it isn't too hot, and when I get home I'm hot, tired, and thirsty, and I don't want to do anything else, including have fun. What I want to do is to bust this site up so that it is more fun, but I don't know if I can do it anymore because sh*t is too serious for me. Another part of the problem is that paintballing is so f*cking expensive that it makes me wonder if I should quit. And while we are mentioning quiting, I almost wish I was still in band, sure there is that stupid chain of command bullsh*t where I have to not b*tch at section leaders but they can b*tch at me and the music learning sh*t, and the hot sun and the staying at attention for a long time, but I miss it, I need order, I need someone to tell me what to do so that I can make fun of them and rebel, and most of all I miss you crazy b*st*rds out there having fun and suffering with me, and the music, I like to play the music better than other people so I can b*tch at them and not mean anything by it. Damn it, I miss that sh*t so much, but I can't go back now, it is too late, or maybe I could, it would just be too much work to change my schedule, but I want to so damn much. Another thing that has made me so damn serious it that stupid piece of sh*t quik. Yes, you all know him and how much he loves me, he drags on his making fun of me to the point that I hate comedy, I just want to kill. Another factor is Rage Against the Machine, they have told me about shit that you have to take seriously, and their music makes me want to do something about it, so I have less time for humor, and it is harder to find things funny. There are probably alot more things I could mention, but I can't change, it is too late, I am f*cked.

Jun. 19- Today I found it. I saw it somewhere a while ago and then it was gone, but now it is back again, and I'm pretty sure it is here to stay. No I haven't lost my mojo, no I didn't misplace my lucky coin, nor did my family move away without alerting me (they want to but I'm always there,) no I found the one I love, no not what you think, I found my favorite paintball marker the lovely Dye Autococker. It's original nest (yes, you can think of it as a love nest) was at JF paintball, but they no longer have the color I love (Platinum, yes I want to go Platinum he he he) and they jacked up the price by $150. But today I found it again: I was searchin' Action Village for a Black Magic Autococker, I was in the WGP section, I clicked on Autocockers, under that section there was a magical name, it was, you guessed it, Dye. So I click on that magical word and none other than my love appeared before my eyes, and for the original price that it was at the other place (I'm too lazy to do the link again.) Now you may be thinking: Yay, this freak is going to be rolling up with an autococker for the next match, but no, there is this thing called money, you might have it, I have a little, but not enough, so please send donations by way of pay-pal to the Kyle autococker fund or just send me an e-mail at that address and I'll get you my mailing address for your donations. If you would like to just cut a check for the whole thing right away the price is $866.16, with shipping, or if you really want to you can throw in a 68 ci 3000 psi HPA tank and a 12v revvy with the 'cocker for $1089.09, that includes shipping. I'll babble on some more about something else later and I'll §ee ¥a £ater.

Jun. 17- Today is the day after the day that I got back from my Dallas/Fort Worth extravaganza. If you have never been there let me tell you, it is big, there are 20 times more people in that area than in all of the state of New Mexico, how do I know this you might ask, they have 20 area codes, the state of New Mexico shares one. Ya sure, everybody could have 12 phone lines, but I'm pretty sure they don't. Dallas and Fort Worth are almost as far apart as Las Cruces and El Paso, except instead of crappy desert in between, it is all populated, there are lots of different cities in there, most of them bigger than Las Cruces. The city I did most of my loitering in was Plano, on the North West side of Dallas. Let me tell you I know people there, for example, I slept on my cousin Michael's floor for 5 days, you have to have connections to get that kind of high living. I hit Six Flags Over Texas, and Hurricane Harbor, and this b*tchin' go cart race track called Speed Zone, sure it was all fun, but it didn't compare to the fun I had playing Flight Sim and Perfect Dark at my cousin's appartment, and the best part was, doing that didn't cost me a damn thing. But just for the fun of it I'll tell you about those other places. Six Flags was quite the party, we were there from 12 to 9, to that's about 9 hours I guess. I rode every roller coaster except for one, but it was exactly the same as the boomerang in San Antonio, and I have already tried that one, plus if I had gone on it I would have thrown up on everyone because Batman and Mr. Freeze made me sick, those two kinda sucked. That night when I was trying to sleep I kept feeling like I was still on a roller coaster, it was pretty awesome. Hurricane Harbor was quite enjoyable, the rides were pretty fun, and there were women in bikinis as far as my eyes could see. The only bad part about it was that the life gaurds kicked me and my brother out of the little kid section, I don't think it is fair, it isn't my fault that I grow and those little punks can go on any ride in the park, but they have to choose those ones (you may think that I am full of sh*t, but that's the truth, the height minimums for the big rides and little kid rides were both 42") When we first rolled up into Dallas, we saw a sign, it said Speed Zone, and below it were several race tracks for those little go carts you find at putt putt, but 8 days later when we finally went, it was much more that that. The cars at Speed Zone were much faster than those at putt putt, and the tracks were much more better, and the cars and track were electronically linked so at the end of the race, you got a place in the race, based on your average lap time, pretty sweeet. Now you might be thinking "what the f*ck is your malfunction, you told us fooz you wuz goin' to a wedding" and you are right, but the wedding was unlike any other I've ever attended and you might be thinking "let me guess it dragged ass like a 450 lb. offensive lineman" but no, it was so quik and painless that it lost some of its meaning for me. I was an usher, and no one told me or my brother or my little cousin (both were also ushers) what the hell to do. They were like "well you tell them where to sit" and I was thinking "no shit, but do you want me to pry the ladies from the men and escort them?" and that's what they wanted me to do, but I didn't, because I'm lazy like that. The reception was kinda boring, but entertaining at the same time, almost like this web site, but I don't give you food and they did. While I was dancing my @$$ off my shoe broke, so I went and changed shoes (the reception was at my hotel, and yes, after five days of floor I got a hotel for 4 days) and I came back in my white pimp shoes with my tux, I thought it was bitchin' but the ladies didn't. Towards the end I was told to change out of my tux so that my aunt could take them back to the tux place in the morning, so I changed and came back in some jeans and the wife beater that I had been wearing, I thought I was a bad @$$ but as always, nobody likes my fasion and some guy b*tched at me for 10 minutes about how I was disrespecting my cuz and his woman by wearing it, so later I asked my cuz if he felt disrespected in any way and since he knowz how crazy I am he said no, he just said that I needed a beer stain on my wife beater and a wife to beat. At most weddings the chik and tha dude drive off together in a car to the hotel, but no, they had to stay at the hotel where the reception was so that we couldn't trash the car, but we are too smart for that crap, we found out what room they were in, acquired a key and trashed it. What sucked about it was that I was getting people drinks from the coke machines and didn't get to take part in it, but I saw it, and it was good. The next morning we left for home, and drove all damn day to get here. That's all for now: §ee ¥a £ater

Jun. 1- Today me and my people went to the movies. Lately (like the last month or so) I just hate every movie I see, I just think that the endings are terrible, I think that they should never end, and the ending kills everything the movie had going for it for me. I like comedies though, they make me smile (I am no longer able to laugh) and the ending does not have to be good, it just has to be funny, and most of them are. We saw Undercover Brother and it was not what I expected. I think that might be my problem, I expect too much, I should expect the worst thing possible, that way when it sucks, it's not so bad. That would be a great idea, but why the hell would you go see a movie that you expect to suck? So the only reason why I go to see movies these days is because I get to see my friends. I do like the old movies though. I like them because when I watch them I am as bored as it is possible for me to be, I expect nothing, and I am flipping through the channels. You know I'm realy bored because I'll be watching tv, which means that the internet, in all its vastness, has nothing left for me. That is a very bored point, you might call it ennui if you are french or canadian. I don't really like france, canada, french people, or canadians, I don't know why, I have never had a bad experience with them, I guess I just don't like their language (I don't understand french, it has too many letters that you don't pronounce), or maybe I don't like their country, one too far north, they other in a colder part of europe. Another reason why I don't like France is because they suck, they have been invaded twice, their army sucks, and their people are known to be assholes towards americans. Well, that is all the crap I have for you now, I hope you enjoyed some of it: §ee ¥a £ater

May 15- well today I am writing another thought. it's 9:30 am, and I'm on my off period, cause I quit band, but none of that matters. What matters is what happened to me late Satuday night, or early Sunday morning if you want to get all technical about it. I was doing my usual nothing when I decided I was gonna talk to crap to the opponent of my friend who happened to be playing yahoo chess. If you know the rest of this story please go ahead and skip down to the next section of this entry, if not, then keep reading. So I get his opponent good and pissed off, using a variety of comments. Then later, I'm playing chess on yahoo with a different friend and magically a yahoo messenger thing pops-up. You see the magic was not how it popped up, it was who was writing to me. The yahoo messenger ID I was using was murder_x_14 (any ladies on yahoo, I'm usually on around 7, if not just drop me an offline message) and this foo who was attempting to communicate with me had the same ID (that's murder_x_14, in case you forgot) at first I made no connection to this mutha that I thought had hacked my ID and the foo I pissed off in the chess room, then the mutha identified himself, saying he was the foo. This scared me a bit, but I was still in control of my bladder. We chatted it up a bit, and it turns out this foo/mutha is a bit mad about my comments, so this mutha/foo gets me to promise not to do that sh*t again, and I do, then just to make sure this mofo (combing mutha and foo) says he is running some ip tracer, this mutha tells me my zip code and street, I wasn't gonna wait for an address, so I just turned this computer sh*t off and went to sleep. Well, when I first got this little scare, I fetched up my knife from my room, and I was carrying that sh*t around, and as I lay in my bed thinking about this I cut my damn thumb cause I didn't realize I was slashing at it while I was thinking. So this pain in my thumb and my fear for my life kept me up, several hours past my bed time.

Now here is where the sh*t comes in. when the person with the same ID as my first contacted me, I thought it was quikie, who I was playing chess with, cause he wasn't making any moves and he knows much more about this computer sh*t than I do, so I tell quikie to cut that shit out, and he claims that it isn't him. Then on monday, in school, I still think that my life could be in danger, but I find out that quikie really was the mutha that was scaring me, except he wasn't using my ID he was using murder_x_l4, with an L instead of a 1, but they look exactly the same. After hearing this news, and knowing how far he dragged this trick, I was ready to dig his grave and throw him in it. at lunch I attempted to shank him, with a piece of metal and a pen, but I didn't do any real damage. That sh*t ruined my whole f*cking lunch time, cause him and his dumb-@ss side kick just kept laughing at me, and I did not find it funny at all. That night I stayed up past my bed time once again, thinking about what the hell I should do, I figured I could do nothing because he is a dirty b@stard and won't take anything I do seriously. So the next day at lunch (this would be tuesday, cause that's that day after monday) I am still a little pissed, but I let every body know that sh*t happens, and it just happens to me more cause I got a good sh*t flinger sitting across from me at lunch. I would like to take this time to let Quikie know that I will have my revenge, but we can be cool for now.

May 11- Today when I woke up (at about 10:30 A.M., which is early for me,) I decided that I wanted to make my hair tall. So I went into the bathroom and got lots of gel and put it all over my hair, and tried my best to make it stand up, it worked alright at first. When I had it how I liked it, I hair sprayed it, and walked around my house for about 15 minutes with my head down, so that the hair would stay up while the hair-spray and gel dried. I went back into the bathroom and stood straight up again to see how it looked, and my hair just fell back the way it was when I woke up, only now it was shiny, I guess my hair is just too long, or I'm too lazy to let the stuff dry all the way. Then I decided that it would stay up better if I got some rubber bands, so I spent about 15 more minutes getting it the way you see it on the picture up there. As I write this (at about 4:45) my hair is still that same way. You may be wondering where I got the rubber bands from. Well, I keep a tin box full of rubber bands under my sink, just in case I want to do this. I got all of the rubber bands from GI Joe type figures a couple of years ago, and they are some of the cheapest rubberbands ever made, I don't even think they are made of rubber, it's probably just some stretchy plastic, but I didn't break any of them. Well I hope you enjoyed that, I'll write more some other time.